I don't know what it is, but my creativity disappears the moment I get home from work. And not just creativity, but...interest in things I like. Not the warning-this-might-be-a-symptom-of-somet
hing-more-serious kind of disinterest, just a combination of no motivation and not finding...anything interesting. Weird. And annoying because there is stuff I need to get done
I am, as I usually do, rationalizing this as part of "Kayt's Transition Time," wherein I'm still figuring out how to be a real adult. Mentally, I have assigned the turning point when:
1) my bedroom is entirely put away
2) I have and use a simple tracking method for budgeting (i.e., "start a spreadsheet and actually keep it updated")
3) I schedule-ish meals and actually cook them, for both/either dinner and (leftovers) lunch.
I refuse to make any estimates as to when this will happen (according to Delivered From Distraction
, I have "a tendency to underestimate the time it takes to complete a task or get to a destination," so this is me pretending not to do that), but I'm making progress.
My bedroom is actually a bonus room (that was apparently billed as a 3rd bedroom when the house was being advertised) that I'm sharing with another girl, so there's no closet whatsoever. I bought a mattress and a wardrobe (Big Lots! You are much better than your name implies!). Between that and the two shelving units (this
over-bed thing and this
that we used in the dorms), I have all my clothes unpacked, but a lot of stuff has nowhere, physically, to go. I ordered a bed frame and slats from Ikea, so when that arrives (coupled with the bed risers I still own) I can store things under my bed. Unfortunately furniture is expensive ROYGIBIV I have spent so much money
. I know it's not a recurring thing, but dang.
The budgeting...right now, it really is just trying to find the best way to trick my brain into actually using a system. I've tried multiple approaches to tracking money, and nothing sticks. Obviously, this is something that *has* to be done, so I'm trying to find something. Realizing I get mentally overwhelmed at visual clutter, I'm looking for a new purse. Mine is lovely, but if I can get one that's a little bigger with just as many pockets (read: lots), I think that might be the trick for keeping receipts and either recording them each day, or having something to record purchases as they happen.
I'm working on the meals thing. I'm doing my best to avoid premade things, which doesn't work, but I haven't eaten ramen since I graduated. Only because my roommates leave stuff on the stove, though, and I've eaten Walmart-brand frozen chicken nuggets and my lunch at work today was taking a can of chicken noodle soup and microwaving it and water in a tupperware, so yeah. We're also in the process of cleaning out the kitchen (read: former housemates' items), so space is also an issue.
Speaking of food: I went shopping for some long-overdue fresh fruit at Walmart yesterday. I'd thrown on an oversize t-shirt and generic shorts--nothing near "People of Walmart," but, you know, nothing interesting. As I'm examining bell peppers, a nearby guy starts talking to me. You know: friendly, mindless chat with someone for only the duration you're with a few feet of each other. It happens frequently (and indeed, happened earlier in my trip with a similarly-aged guy), so I don't think any of it at first.
Until he keeps talking, and asks if I have plans after I'm done shopping (...at 8:40 pm?), and if he could have my number. And, after a startled and awkward 'no,' if he could give me his just in case I wanted to call him in a few weeks or something.
(Which is several more exchanges of "...no, no, really, it wouldn't happen.")
You may remember that while I was in Germany, I was apparently very attractive to creepers
. While I won't call him a creeper because he was, at least, very friendly and seemed, at least, genuine...he was still a man in his late 50s trying to pick up a girl who can't look more than her mid-twenties.*
And you know, he has a house right down the way, and he's a bachelor! And really nice and he'll treat me right! And he'll let me go, but his daddy always said that if you saw something you liked, you gotta try your best. And you have a real pretty smile!
So he finally let me go, but then I had to putter around and inspect bananas because he was hovering by the fruit I actually wanted, because he was actually shopping too but I really
didn't want to open myself up to conversation again.
So I spent the rest of the night feeling kinda flattered because hey, I like my smile, and then guilty about that, all with a leftover tinge of creepiness. But not guilt about turning him down, because no
. And then pride at not feeling guilt because sometimes my brain isn't rational and it was a possibility.
*(Admittedly, I'm not sure exactly how old I look, due to the world assuming my younger cousins/sisters were my children, and my father my husband, since roughly the age of 13. But that's been happening less so I think it's almost even between looks/real age now.)